Try­ing to give him space…so he can fig­ure out stuff, but also don’t want to give too much space so he thinks I don’t need him at all. But it is a bit awk­ward to have loved some­one for close to 19 years…and feel like you may/may not talk to them. All I know is that it is in God’s hands and I can’t worry about it. I do not need any health issues at this point and pent up hurt and aggres­sion only hurts me. I just pray that God heals our bro­ken fam­ily, because it is a long road of unknown. How can you not end a CLOSE friendship…but you have no trou­ble end­ing a mar­riage? A friend­ship almost 2 decades. Just so confused?!?!?!?!?

I need to feel loved, impor­tant and appre­ci­ated. I have been want­ing to go to Chase BBQ with my hus­band for a long time now…but just never quite made it there…and today I saw a coupon for $10 off your meal…I am so excited. Why do I need oth­ers to go out of their way for me. The place was there all along, I could have very eas­ily just gone by myself, but guess it was some­thing that I wanted to try for the first time with my hus­band. Times are real tough right now. It is really hard to stay focused at work and not think of things that bring me down…but i don’t have time to cry all day, so I bet­ter suck up and live with my con­se­quences of not mak­ing quicker deci­sions to seek help way long ago. I pray that if you ever need some words of encour­age­ment that I can be there for you and help you along your jour­ney of this VERY tough life. I just pray for my chil­dren that they do not have extra burdens…my old­est is ten and we have quickly thrown him into an adult world. Alright bet­ter dry up my tears…the more I write the more I CRY.

I see an apol­ogy in the future…Wow how can peo­ple be so insensitive?

• So excited to see what God has in plan for my life.

Unlike Mat­tel Transformers…we are not mass produced…and we shouldn’t con­form.  “Be not con­formed to the world, but be ye trans­formed by the renew­ing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and accept­able, and per­fect will of God.”  I miss going to bible study on Thursdays…and since I am no longer wel­come at the one I was attend­ing, I have been in search for another one…and think I found it.  Trans­form­ers.  I look for­ward to gain­ing a bet­ter knowl­edge of God.

Life is never just going to be easy! There are spir­i­tual bat­tles that we can’t even see some­times, but we have to be ready to bat­tle. We have to be ready to stand guard. We need to be filled with knowl­edge and under­stand­ing and be able to use it at any­time. Eph­esians 6:10–12 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our strug­gle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the author­i­ties, against the pow­ers of this dark world and against the spir­i­tual forces of evil in the heav­enly realms.

Endure hard­ships like a soldier…Christians are sup­posed to be at war with evil…
Chris­tians are sup­posed to be sol­diers in the war…not just stand idly by.

Be STRONG! But be strong in the LORD, not your­self. Be Made STRONG…this is not some­thing that you do your­self. God empow­ers us and makes us strong. We are not to be left to our own Strength…we need Jesus on our side. Be Strong in HIS might! If there are sins are in your life that you have been bat­tling against…are you try­ing to fight it with your own strength? I WANT to be made Strong…how do I do that? Put on the full armor of God! Are you going to go into a bat­tle with bermuda shorts and flip flops.

• First thing — you have to be fit. Read the Bible! Pray! Prayer Changes Things! We have direct access to Jesus, be involved with Dis­ci­ple­ship. Be famil­iar to the weapons…take apart the armor and put it back together. Fig­ure it out. Train.…Empower…
• Sec­ond — Be dis­ci­plined! Have self con­trol. When we lack discipline…people get hurt.
  1 Peter 5:8 — Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roar­ing lion look­ing for some­one to devour.
  The devil doesn’t catch and release…he catches for keeps. He looks for peo­ple to devour.
• Third — Go to War! Take a STAND… not take new ground. Jesus takes new ground, we hold the line. The devil attacks with fear. When you get off the couch…grab your bible…stand up to and get into the war, you become a threat and he tries to attack you. If you are just sit­ting on the sidelines…why does he need to go after you? It is usu­ally when you take a stand and get deeper in his word where you will expe­ri­ence new lev­els of battling…and you will have a GIANT on your side.

God is BIGGER…depend on him for strength.

Mov­ing on to the next chap­ter in the book of life…do you ever feel as though some of the pages are just torn out? Maybe for a reason…or maybe just out of neglect —

I stum­bled across this poem…that pretty much sums up hurt feel­ings and the ene­mies attack at what is sup­posed to be won­der­ful! I am read­ing The Power of A pray­ing Wife…and know that the sim­ple tech­niques to fix a book is not going to work in this instance!
1.Wallpaper adhe­sive (small quan­tity)
2.A small pal­let knife
3.Two tea tow­els
4.Damp soapy cloth
Torn pages in a book can make the words com­pletely unread­able. Even if a tear does not change the leg­i­bil­ity of a page, it does destroy the book’s value. While apply­ing clear tape to the rip is accept­able for a quick fix, it can leave a reader look­ing for a per­ma­nent repair unsat­is­fied. Repair meth­ods using archival repair tape and adhe­sive paste are both options for read­ers hop­ing to make their books
While I would always advise some­one to seek the help of pro­fes­sion­als for those books of value, home repairs to pages in these books can be achieved, either using the wall­pa­per method above, for easy tears, or if you want a more pro­fes­sional fin­ish by buy­ing archive repair tape. It doesn’t always stick all that well, although here, using blot­ting paper and an iron, you really can make an effi­cient repair.

It is Going to take Fer­vent Prayer…Powerful prayer and miracles…but in God’s plan

God is speaking…this is what our pas­tor talked about on Sun­day. Matthew 5:20–22 Sys­tem of rules to ful­fill for other to fol­low to be right with God. You have to exceed what qual­ity the way life is lived. Right­eous­ness goes far­ther than keep­ing rules. Goes to the heart… We will always default to the min­i­mum require­ment of what we should do or take it to the extreme. That is how we are wired…when we abide by rules…what can we get away with? When you dance around the edge you will fall over. Then you try and sac­ri­fice something…change some­thing to make it right. More church…read more…pray! Anger-go and make peace with them! For­give the sins they com­mit espe­cially when it is against us! Jesus pushes fur­ther and says YOU are the one that has to make it right! Be the first to reconcile…go! But we don’t! We carry around enor­mous blind spots, jus­ti­fy­ing, and Jesus takes this and tells us to wor­ship. If you sense some­one has a prob­lem with you leave your gift/sacrifice and go make it right. Rec­on­cil­i­a­tion — go and make peace! Don’t paint your own picture…relationships Gods will,Gods heart, Gods char­ac­ter is about rec­on­cil­ing. All about mak­ing peace!! We need to be peacemakers…that shows the world what we are about. Can’t have peace with god if we cant for­give oth­ers. Set­tle mat­ters quickly! Make peace quickly! Court equal­izes the amount of pain… Rela­tion­ship goes worse…reconcile…make peace! Don’t kill your rela­tion­ships. You can’t be the judge and not give them the wall of sep­a­ra­tion! High expec­ta­tions but that is what God calls us to do! What if I do this and rec­on­cile and they don’t respond? Don’t put up a wall of separation…you always leave the door WIDE open, you can’t be the one to close it.If you can’t make it right… Your wor­ship to god is meaningless.2 Corinthi­ans 5:18-19God died on the cross to rec­on­cile to us…how dare we not do this in our own relationships!!!

Torn Pages
Torn Pages by Kenny Davis

The pages of this love let­ter
I hereby rip in half
Because in the face of my love’s con­fes­sion
You saw fit to laugh

Instead of you, these love sick pages
Feels the scorn­ful rages
As my heart moves through the stages
Of its own venge­ful, tor­tur­ous wrath

With every screech­ing rip and tear
My love for you dis­ap­pears
Don’t say, “You want me near.”
Because it’s falling on deaf ears

With the tear­ing of each shred
My love for you is dead
Cher­ish the moments I was there for you
As I erase you from my head

With the rip of each page, I find
I must break the ties that bind
I must dis­pel you from my heart
Even fur­ther from my mind

Want­ing to erase the words that I wrote
Take back all of the feel­ings I said, and the “I love you” I spoke
“What was I think­ing? ”
As I tear apart these heart­felt notes

No longer, on these pages, will my heart be the pen
Know­ing that its ink, its blood, will pour out in the end
Never shall a heart deserve to feel such pain again
The love lost on you and these pages, in the abyss it remains

Not much love was read between the lines
A once enchanted love story being ripped at the spine
A love so blessed, I believed to be divine
But clearly you are no enchanted love of mine

With every bro­ken sen­tence that’s torn apart
A breath of relief, remov­ing the scars from my heart
I thought ever lov­ing some­one again was hard
But learn­ing to let go is more dif­fi­cult, by far

Sit­ting here enjoy­ing the agony of every piece
Like ther­apy, pro­vid­ing a much needed release
Feel­ing free of “love” and the shack­les of grief
At the end of my destruc­tion, await­ing my peace

My feel­ings for you, drip­ping from every word
Regret­ting every one that I said, every one that you’ve heard
Time after time, “When will I learn? ”
Love is bet­ter left unsaid, shielded from the hurt

As all of this pas­sion and love is dis­pensed
I never thought I could ever feel a rage so intense
Smil­ing wide, immersed in this paper rid­den mess
As I rip apart the words that bled from my pen

Through all of the abuse, through all of the scorn
My spirit is dam­aged, my body is worn
Through the destruc­tion of these pages, my heart is reborn
My love for you is gone; the pages that pos­sessed it are torn.